Do you ever feel like a hot mess mom?
You know the one… always running behind, unmotivated, forgetful, may or may not have been able to have a good nights sleep in a while? ME ME ME ME ME!!! This was and sometimes still IS me!
This was me after having our fourth kid Power. Our first two children are six years apart in age.
Five years passed before our third child was born, and I was totally taken by storm.
This is why things for me were always a bit challenging and I felt like the carpet was always getting pulled from under me!
DISCLAIMER: I am definitely not perfect at executing these things 100% of the time, but I find my mood and demeanor improve when I do. This is what works for me, but every situation is different. I know things are different for every mother, but mom burnout is real no matter what your circumstance. I hope that this inspires you and helps you to find a system that works for you
After feeling like I had pretty much figured this mom thing out, I was once again hit with sleepless nights, round-the-clock feedings, and total self-sacrifice.
It honestly took me a good two or three years before I began to feel like myself again. I could not get into a rhythm and I could not seems to get my flow together! If hot mess were a person you could say that it was me.. lol.
At the end of last year, I realized that I had allowed the chaos that was my life get the best of me.
I let it take me down, and it was not only affecting me and my own self-worth, but it was affecting my family as well.
I was constantly telling my kids to hurry up or to hang on “just one more minute.”
"Just give me one sec and I'll be right there." "Ok baby, I see you. I really do."
I complained constantly without making any real effort to change the things I was complaining about. I looked outside of myself for the solution. Only to find out the answer and problem lied within me.
I had really and truly lost my joy in motherhood.
Five things that I do NOW
that make me a better Mother.
When the new year rolled around, something changed in me. I made a decision to control my chaos rather than continue to let it control me.
I spent a lot of time evaluating my life and how I was approaching my days.
I knew something had to change, so I began implementing these seemingly simple, but life-changing habits every single day.
1. Wake up early
I am a recovering night owl. Now that I have kids, I love getting out of bed early.
At the beginning of the year, I started setting my weekday alarm for 5:00 a.m.
My kids wake up at 6:30 a.m. during the school year, so this gives me an hour and a half of uninterrupted time to myself before the daily rush begins. During the quarantine, I allowed them to sleep until 9 am so that gave me even more time to get things together.
I work from home, so a lot of work had to be done before they hit the floor.
As I said before, I am a recovering night owl. I occasionally fall off the wagon and oversleep.
Ok, let me keep it honest.. I cannot tell a lie. I hit the snooze button many more times than I want to admit in this blog post.
I notice such a difference in my day when I fail to get up early. I am less productive, less motivated, and I have less patience for my family.
2. Have quiet time
The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is head downstairs to fix a cup of coffee.
I spend the next 20-30 minutes in my robe on the couch with a mug of warm, creamy, caffeinated goodness.
I usually spend this time reading my Bible and enjoying the calm and quiet of the morning while everyone else is still sleeping. Most days I spend on morning walks with my sister and we laugh and plan our days together.
As a busy mom {and an introvert}, I need that time to myself to recharge. You may not like coffee but there could be something that you do to relax and just take in the moment. Whatever that is.. do that!
3. Plan my day ( as much as I could)
Having a plan for the day is essential for staying on task and getting things done.
Some might say that I don't have a concrete plan. .haha I don't all of the time but I do brain dump.
Simply getting things out of my head and written down on paper works wonders for my sanity. I can tell a huge difference in my day when I don't have things planned out. I literally have a crazy day without a plan!
I also have a day planner where I write down important dates and appointments, as well as a running to-do list that I update at the beginning of each week.
I know what I need to accomplish during the day and that keeps me focused.
This also enables me to finish my work before the kids get out of school, so I can be available to them when they get home. At this particular moment, I'm able to get a lot done before they get up for their online classes during the quarantine. Having a plan helps that process a lot. A whole lot!
4. Get dressed
As a stay-at-home mom, work at home mom, it would be easy to stay in my pajamas all day.
I did that a lot, in fact, when my kids were infants. As of late I found myself wanting to be in my PJ's all day but I noticed that I didn't want to do much but go back to bed.
Now that they are a little older, however, I always make it a point to change out of my pajamas before the day begins. Bonus points if I put on jeans instead of sweatpants.
In all reality, though, even if I change from my pajamas to my athletic gear because I want to fit in a walk sometime during the day, I still feel more confident when I get dressed for the day.
There is something about putting on clothes that gives me an extra boost of motivation and lifts my mood.
There were also days when I got dressed to go to the mailbox and you can see that it made its rounds to mamas everywhere that day!
5. Finish work before the kids get home
Before COVID- 19 was a new normal I had golden hours while the older girls were at school!
Making a commitment to stop working when my kids get home from school was a total game-changer.
I had to make a few adjustments in my schedule to make this happen, but it was worth it.
One thing was allowing them to ride with friends from school rather than picking them up myself every day.
This freed up an hour and a half in my day, which means I now have more time to finish everything on my to-do list for the day before they come home from school.
I love that I can focus all of my attention on my kids when they come home rather than trying to wrap up what I wasn’t able to finish during the day.
I really want you to read my DISCLAIMER again and know that this doesn't go perfectly for me every day.. But making these changes really helped me fall in love with my role as a mother again after some serious burnout. God is faithful and has been faithful in this motherhood journey.
Now, it’s your turn!
Try to implement these five habits to change the atmosphere in your home and make you a better mom:
Wake up early
Have quiet time
Get dressed
Plan your day
Finish work before the kids get home
I am no longer at my wits’ end because I have purposefully carved out time for myself during the day and identified what I need to do to remain focused and motivated to accomplish the tasks set before me each day. I take the time with Freedom in the bath because it's her special time and she doesn't throw nearly as many tantrums when she feels seen and heard.
Lyric just wants girl time at night and Honour wants to help me make meals. Power.. all he wants is the boobies and he's good!
I no longer feel as if there are not enough hours in the day. I am able to cross items off of my to-do list while still allowing for dedicated time to focus on my kiddos.
This is so important when it comes to avoiding mom burnout. Moms have a lot of expectations to meet and sometimes the biggest expectations are our own. I know first- hand how it feels to be burnt out and that's why I am striving to keep this balance each day! I'm not perfect by any means but I promise you.. Life is BETTER!
If you are struggling with feelings of inadequacy or you feel overwhelmed by everything required of you as a mom, I want to encourage you to take a step back and evaluate your schedule. Evaluate the things you are giving attention to and take a good look at what you are speaking over yourself. Words are so powerful so make sure you speak well of yourself!
Find ways to carve out time for yourself and figure out what lifts your spirits and makes you feel more like yourself. Making room for you will, in turn, make you a better mom for your children.
So tell me,
Have you ever felt burnt out on motherhood? How did you overcome it?
What is one area of motherhood you feel like you have not mastered?
What ideas can you share for someone else? Let me know in the comments!
We're in this together!
Love,
Mel